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Why dating apps suck—and what that means for creating a life of purpose

The science behind the infinite elevator

5 min readNov 4, 2024

Dating apps suck. You know it, we all know it. Today, we’re gonna talk about why they do—and what that has to do with making big life decisions.

Believe it or not, there’s a direct correlation between the suckiness of dating apps and our struggle to create a life of purpose.

First, the facts: Americans spend up to 90 minutes a day swiping, and studies show that over 50% of Gen Z and 40% of millennials are active users.

And yet: study after study has also linked dating app use to adverse psychological outcomes, including increased anxiety.

What’s going on? Why are dating apps so addictive and simultaneously so anxiety-inducing?

The infinite elevator

You all remember Chidi? This guy:

He’s got something to do with it.

But first, imagine you’ve died and gone to heaven.

After an eternity (!) in the waiting room, you’ve finally filled out your intake paperwork. St. Peter’s made a copy of your drivers license, insurance…

I found that if you just only go out with people that can carry on a slightly interesting and reciprocal conversation, have a fully filled out profile with plenty to ask about, plus they want to meet within a week of connecting then you don't really…

I have seen evidence this works the other way too. For example, let’s say you are the 30 year old married couple I met in a bird watching group. The woman is overweight, has a high pitched voice, and talks A LOT. We were watching several male birds…

People who find what they love to do from the get go, like Warren Buffett, Al Pacino, are so lucky, but it's rare.. but there's no shame in starting to do what you love to do at whatever your age.. just do it.. cheers David