It’s never the “right time”—here’s how to know when to act anyway

How to use The Secretary Problem to get unstuck

Sarah sat across from me, twisting her wedding ring. “I know I need to leave,” she said, “but the timing isn’t right. He’s got this big thing coming up. I just got promoted. The market is uncertain, and…” She trailed off, her voice heavy with the weight of an impossible decision.

Fifteen years later, she still hasn’t left. She now owns a home in the country with the person she wanted to leave. She’s as unhappy as she was 15 years ago—except now she’s even more stuck.

Sarah is one of the most talented people I’ve ever met. A preternaturally good cook whose talents are spent on a partner who’d literally prefer to eat a box of Cheez-Its (I’m not making this up).

A brilliant chemist who consistently thwarts her own advancement because she’s waiting for the “right time” to take the risk, to make the jump, to ask for the raise, to start her own company—to, basically, do anything besides what she’s been doing for the last two decades.

My guess? You’ve got your own version of Sarah’s story.

Your big move, your big decision may not be the same as hers. Your partner may actually like your cooking.

But we’ve all felt that stuckness when it comes to big decisions. Whether it’s leaving a job, starting a business, starting a relationship, ending it, or making that big move—I bet, just…